my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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