Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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