What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Farmville is her only friend.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
