Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
