I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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