Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
