you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
