Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
