So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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