i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're earring is so big in my mouth
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
