okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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