I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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