I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
