ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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