i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
