It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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