Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize