Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
