I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
