i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
