We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize