Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
