then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
