so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
