I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
