i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
