i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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