i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
