Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
