btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
