having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
