thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
