maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
