I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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