i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
worst night to have a conscience
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
