I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
