He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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