I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
