Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
