Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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