she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
