the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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