absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
