Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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