The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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