idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
