It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I currently don't understand fingers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
