If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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