You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
