so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
