Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize