I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
