Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
