Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
