How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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