His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Help. Why am I so naked?
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