I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
