i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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