he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
