Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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