hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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