i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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