Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
