I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
