do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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