yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
