She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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