pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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