My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
