i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
