for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
