I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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