my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
